If only…

I wonder if you have read the research on happiness…?

Research shows that what we think is going to bring happiness actually doesn’t bring us the true happiness that we actually long for.

This might sound obvious, yet research shows that most people make consistent mistakes when predicting what will make them happy.

Have you ever noticed that underlying sense that there’s something missing? We could call it ‘If only mind’… you might hear yourself saying “If only I could have, do, get, etc. then I’ll be happy”

It’s usually not too hard to see this very normal human tendency!

So just to be clear, there’s nothing inherently bad about wanting and desiring but if we are living most of our moments with this sense of lack “If only I get that thing that’s missing in my life, then I’ll be happy” then we are essentially postponing happiness.

And we all know these hooks.

It could be losing weight, finishing a project, buying a new item of clothing, getting a new job, getting a promotion, going on holiday.

I remember working with a woman who said that only once she has everything on her To-Do list ticked off could she truly relax and feel content.

Sound familiar?

If we are not conscious of this sense of something is missing, then we go often go into habitual hyper-drive/busyness mode trying to pursue that thing that we think we need to be happy and content to make us feel complete again.

Interestingly, thirteen studies of lottery winners showed that in the end, there was no difference in happiness levels between winners and non-winners!

So next time we hear ourselves saying “If only I had such and such…” we could just pause, take a few moments to feel that pull towards the imagined better future in our mind and body. Sense what it’s like in that moment to be caught in that ‘if only mind’.

We might feel it as a leaning forward in the body, some tension in the belly, jaw, face or hands…. There may be some thoughts of “I’ve got to get this done” “I really need to get this”.

It can feel completely counter-intuitive to slow down but if you can, try giving a little space to the contracted feeling…breathe…feel your feet on the ground.

I find that the more I can practice pausing, slowing down and becoming aware of how this sense of lack feels in my mind and body, the less power it has over me.

Space opens up and there is more possibility to rest into the fullness and richness of the present moment. There is more choice and I can begin to sense into a well-being that is already here.

Try it and let me know how you go…!