What if we didn’t make ourselves wrong…?

How have you been fairing amidst the recent stormy weather…?

I found much inspiration from these wise old trees, most of which stayed so deeply rooted as they were swayed and blown about by such strong winds.

Such amazing teachers in this life!

What helps US to come back to balance and steadiness when blown about by emotional storms and fear stories, without becoming rigid and tight…?

Well, as life would have it, there are usually many opportunities to practice -) For me, it was being awoken by the sound of my dear son coughing in the early hours of this morning, and rustling around to find his inhaler - again.

My heart sank as I heard the usual coughing, I lay there my mind flooding with thoughts “oh no, not again” “somethings wrong…why is this not going away" “Why is nothing we try working?” “I haven’t tried hard enough to help him, I must be missing something” “it’s only going to get worse as he gets older… and then what?” “What if something dreadful happens to him?” “I must help him more”

In the grip of fear, the ‘something’s wrong’ can loom over us like a great shadow.

Fear shouts ‘danger, danger!’ and then urgently drives our mind to make sense of what is happening and figure out what to do. All the while adding fuel to the already uncomfortable feelings - argh!

Without fear we would not be able to survive, yet at times it’s as though we go into fear over-drive!

I took a deep breath, stepped out of my head and scanned through my body…

Fear felt like a pressure in my chest, an achey sinking in my belly, a constriction in my throat.

I felt the impulse to just get up out of bed, think my way out of it, find a solution…anything to try and wriggle out of this fear.

Then I heard a part of me gently whisper ‘What if you didn’t make this feeling wrong?’

Well, yes, what if I didn’t believe that this feeling was out to get me, any enemy, or wrong…?

The part of me that had been fighting the feeling began to soften, I started to feel safe….safe enough to let go a little more, to relax into the holding of the bed, and the earth beneath.

I let the pressure in my chest, the achey tightness in my throat, the sinking in my belly be included in this field of belonging and softness… and imagined that I was being held by many kind hands.

The fear lessened; it no longer felt unbearable, and alongside it, a sense of OK-ness and tenderness were there.

From this place a balanced perspective emerged, that although I can plant seeds, and aspire to help Reuben in any way I can, ultimately I am not in control of the outcome. And there was peace in recognising this.

We may hope to get rid of these yucky feelings such as fear, sadness, or anger, but they are part of being human and rejecting them only serves to make us more rigid, armoured and tight.

Wisdom teachings invite us to not reject anything within ourselves… to go beyond our ideas of ‘right’, ‘wrong’, ‘good’, ‘bad, to embrace all aspects of ourselves with an even handedness.

Just as the trees stand deeply rooted, flexible and responsive in the face of all weather patterns moving through, we too can become artful in steadiness and flexibility.

With courage and time, we can learn to listen to the song of fear, sadness, joy…and as we open our hearts to all of it, the body and the heart can find healing.