Grief is deeply humanising.

In the last week I have been aware of a handful of friends or colleagues that have experienced the death of a loved one… and then of course the Queen just yesterday.

I attended my mother in-laws funeral a couple of years ago. As we stood in the crematorium and listened to the stories of her life I was struck by how many of us, including her husband of 50 years, were stifling sobs, trying to cry quietly and/or putting on a brave face.

I remember feeling shocked once again at how much we are conditioned to hold our tears in, to not let go, to keep it together, especially in public.

It got me wondering…

What if we wholeheartedly trusted grief as a deeply humanising and natural process (as natural as eating, singing, drinking)?

What if we could remember that by holding our tears in, we are passing the burden of that unprocessed grief onto our future generations?

What if we could be free to fall to our knees, wail, shout, and make whatever sound we need to when we express our grief, without being judged as mad?

What if we could remember grieving as a sacred act, one that melts the armour around our heart and connects us ever more deeply to our heart, and all the matters to us?

What if we lived alongside people who would be there to hold us and care for us as we expressed and processed our heartbreak?

What if we could remember that by grieving we are doing the powerful and beautiful work of praising and honouring what we have loved?

What if we could grieve as long as we needed without being told that it's time to 'move on' ‘accept it’ or 'get over it’?

What if we could all be held in the arms of safety, compassion and love as we grieve?


I believe this would change the world we live in.

And of course, grief isn’t a feeling that solely experience in response to losses such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a beloved pet, loss of a marriage or home, loss of identity, loss of a parent…

There are many other significant losses that we encounter which are really easily brushed over; such as loss of our capacity as we age, our child starting school or moving into adulthood, loss of our youth, loss of species on our planet, the loss of our dreams of how we thought it would all turn out…

As we go journey through our lives, loss is inevitable.

My hope is that we can create conditions where we feel safe and supported enough to fully feel into, and express, the deep sadness our heart carries, so that we may walk lightly and in doing so, reduce the burden of unprocessed grief onto future generations.

Let us remember that although painful, the process of grieving can be deeply humanising, reconnecting us to each other and to what really matters.

May we allow our sadness and know that we are not defined by our sadness.

May we find the inner resources to really be present for our sorrow.

May the value of grief be supported and acknowledged in our culture.

Sending love and kindness to you today.