Transforming anger

I shouldn’t get so angry…

Each time we might say this to ourselves we are essentially pushing down our life force.

We are actually self-aggressing and judging a perfectly healthy emotional response.

Each time we push away our anger we aren’t so available to receive the messages that it brings with it.

Anger might be letting us known that someone has overstepped our boundaries, or hurt us in some way.

Anger is the great protector, as well as an initiator that can provoke us to make positive change, whether it be saying ‘no’ when we need to, or standing up for what is true to us.

AND it is an energy that needs to be used wisely!

For some, it can be super difficult to even admit to feeling angry, let alone allow ourselves to feel angry, for fear that it will take us over and lead to destruction and hurt.

Maybe we hold onto a believe that it’s not ‘spiritual’ to be angry.

It took me a long while to begin to actually KNOW I was feeling angry.

Often I would be in a situation when my children were younger thinking I was ‘fine’ and then, as if out of nowhere, I would be shouting.

At other times anger was more passive, low level irritations and judgments, often directed inwardly in the form of self-criticism.

I wonder if any of you can relate to this…?

As I became more aware, I got more honest with myself and began to acknowledge this deep well of anger.

As I did so, it seemed to me that there were only two choices:

Act out or suppress.

As time went on, I began to explore, to get to know anger, I began to get curious: what was it’s function, what could it be trying to protect me from?

Often anger is trying to protect us from more tender, vulnerable feelings such as feeling scared, hurt, rejected or unloved.

There is a teaching story that Adyashanti sometimes uses where he asks his students to imagine themselves walking through the woods and they see a dog, the dog looks cute so you go to stroke it. Suddenly as you approach the dog it snarls and tries to bite you. You feel scared and, maybe angry… but as you look closer you see that the dog has one of it’s leg caught in a trap. Now you may feel compassion for the dog, right?

So each time we feel that upsurge of anger, it is a warning flag that there are some painful and vulnerable feelings deeper down. Just like that attacking dog, our leg is caught in a trap…

With a mindful, kind presence we can begin to peel back these layers and discover the unmet needs that are giving rise to these feelings.

Perhaps that unmet need is to be safe, valued, or respected, loved, included…

By letting go of the shame and having the courage to pause, and turn towards ourselves in a moment of anger, we begin to change our relationship to it.

And slowly, things can truly begin to transform.