True Meditation - It’s not What You Think

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think what we’re seeking an experience of being alive….’” Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth. 

It was nearly 20 years ago that I became interested in meditation, something about it called to me, and I decided to give it a go. With enthusiasm I set about practicing every morning. At that time I lived in a small bedsit in Brighton in which I made a little simple shrine that I would sit cross-legged in front of, eyes closed (well, actually one eye was kind of open watching the clock, really hoping that it would over soon!). To sit still and watch my breath for even a short length of time felt like torture! My mind was all over the place, jumping from this thought to that thought like a drunken monkey, and my body was filled with restlessness and agitation.  

I was pretty sure that this wasn’t the right experience to be having and concluded that it was still early days and if I just TRIED a little harder then I would crack it. Looking back with tenderness to my younger self I can see how meditation in those early years was part of a wider ‘Self Improvement Project’….if I could just do it better/right then perhaps I could meditate myself into a calm, peaceful, loving and spiritual person that I thought I should be.  

But at what cost? 

Looking back I realise how self-aggressive this was. Like most of us, I was OK with the pleasant feelings and experiences but some of the less popular ‘guests’ like, anxiety, irritation or boredom for example, felt like the wrong experience to be having and something to be got rid of. 

There are many myths around meditation and here are just a few… 

Myth 1: You need to be sitting in a quiet place with no interruptions to meditate (preferably with candles burning and incense!) 

Myth 2: Meditation is about trying to achieve a relaxed and peaceful state of mind

Myth 3: Meditation is about emptying your mind of thoughts

Myth 4: The sign of a ‘good’ meditation is when you experience pleasant feelings such as calm, ease, peace and happiness. 

So if it’s not this, then what is it? 

Well there are so many forms of meditation, but to me, true meditation is about slowing right down and becoming aware of whatever you’re experiencing in the present moment – including the easy and the difficult, the turbulent and the calm, the joyous and the sorrowful.  

True meditation is only possible when we stop searching for a better experience and begin to bring a compassionate curiosity to the Life that is happening within us right now.  This requires some courage as it’s often when we STOP running and sit still that we begin to see just how busy our minds and body’s actually are, how much agitation, tension and turbulence there is…this being human is not always a pretty picture when we look inside! 

But the MAGIC is in the mess.  

It’s by slowly opening our minds and hearts to the here-and-now that we can begin to re-connect with our self.  

We can learn to unhook from our usual every-day problem-focused thinking and ground our awareness within the support of body and breath.  With the warmth of curiosity and kindness of attention we can begin to gently open to Life, tending to the different parts of ourselves asking for attention. In this way, we learn to befriend ourselves and come home to our exquisite humanness, in all its many colours. We begin to feel more comfortable within our own skin and the old ways of numbing out, distracting ourselves, running away may start to have less of a hold over us as we taste this deeper experience of aliveness that is actually Life Giving. 

Sometimes allowing and welcoming can be confused with passivity. By accepting and allowing, am I giving up? But this is not the case. In fact, on the contrary, welcoming and allowing our direct moment-to-moment experience actually increases our ability to respond to life, rather than react. In this way, it is one of the most empowering practices available to us!  

And if this feels like a daunting task then just pause for a moment and remember that we are never asked to be with any more than just THIS moment. Life never gets any bigger than this moment. So if boredom, jealousy, rage, fury, sorrow, joy, come knocking at your door just remember that each is a guest, what would it be like to welcome this guest and invite it in, even if it’s just for one moment…..?